I still can't believe this is happening. After everything we have been through on this journey, to be at this place is like a big giant slap in the face. It stings and hurts.
I find myself wrestling with God - How could He could allow this to happen? Why does such an amazing little child have to suffer for years only to die? What good comes from this?
It is a silly wrestling match. No matter how hard I fight I will lose, but right now I am fighting anyway. Maybe it will help me release my anger.
It is simply not fair. Jenson has been stripped of almost everything...his ability to talk, walk, joke around, smile, laugh, play. But I still see his ability to love. I see it through the way he opens his eyes and tries to focus when his family comes near. I see it in the way he cuddles next to me in bed. I see it in a tiny raise of his eyebrow when I tell him how much I love him and share with him all of my favorite Jenson stories.
Seeing him so vulnerable and knowing there is nothing you can do is gut wrenching. He has suffered so much in his little life. Doug and I have reached a point I never dreamed we'd get to... a place where we can pray "Lord, if you are not going to heal him on earth I pray you will take him to heaven where he can be healed and whole for eternity." The result of this prayer being answered is a pain that will follow us all of our earthly lives. But it is time for Jenson's suffering to end.
Watching your child slowly die is undescribable. But as Doug said this morning, "In some ways God is giving us a gift because he is allowing us to prepare for his passing". We are getting time to say good-bye...time to make handprints, time to let him know how special he is, and time to share with him everything we love about him.
Kristin
Time to Remember
12 years ago
Oh Kristin I am so very, very sorry. My heart weeps for all of you. I do not think we can comprehend any good reason this should happen to a child, or our children..I believe there are some mysteries in this life that are just beyond our comprehension and can only pray when we meet again in heaven the sorrow, sting and anger of it all will be gone with a joy and love that supercedes all suffering. I am praying for comfort for your precious boy and solace for all of you. I do think it is a test, all a test, and in the end I pray it earns an eternity of joy and love beyond anything we can imagine..praying so, praying for your courage, faith, eternal hope...
ReplyDeleteSo wish there were more I could do..
(((((((((Kristin, Doug, Sydney, Jenson))))))
With love,
LeeAnne, Sammi, Allen and family
Hearts are breaking for you all. So incredibly sorry. The Mentinks
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for all of you! I pray for God's comforting arms around you and that you will feel his peace through all of this.
ReplyDeleteCindy Terrel
Holding you all in prayer. Charlotte
ReplyDeletePraying for the entire family. Mo
ReplyDeleteIt is normal for you to be angry...what ya'll are going thru is SO unfair and it makes absolutley no sense at all. I hope you know you are doing all the right things with the time you have together - making memories, telling stories, cuddling. Your strength thru all of this is amazing. My heart just breaks for you, Doug and Sydney. You are in my thoughts & prayers constantly each and every day. - Julie Nelson
ReplyDeleteOur hearts are hurting for all of you. We are holding you all up in prayer daily as you walk the rest of this journey with your brave little warrior.
ReplyDeleteLove and Huge Hugs, The Gee's
You are in our thoughts! we love you. we wish you could win the wrestling match. Jenson will hold a place in all our hearts. Thinking of you all. Hugs to jenson! The Stantons
ReplyDelete"O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night and am not silent...But you, O Lord, be not far off; O my strength come quickly to help me." Psalm 22:2, 19. We love you, the Keiths
ReplyDeleteYou are all in our thoughts. It is very hard to comprehend what Jenson and your family has had to endure. Just think of all of the people that Jenson has touched with his love, kindness, cute eyes and smile and maturity beyond his years.
ReplyDeleteWords can not truly express my sorrow for the journey that you all have been on. If healing can not be done then a prayer for a peaceful passing is offered. Oh heavenly Father, please watch over this family. It has been a long hard battle. If it is your will to have Jenson with you, may you grant Kristin, Doug and Sydney the most precious of memories to hold dear for the rest of their time here on Earth. May Jenson be made whole and be the precious heavenly angel to match the angel presence he has had in his Earthly body. Amen
ReplyDeleteHugs~
Shannon
I am sobbing for you, My heart is just broken. I can not imagine your pain. I saw the request for prayer on safe Heaven. I wish I could say something helpful but I know no words will help. Please know I am praying for you, and will continue to do so. You are a brave mommy, your faith is inspiring. Lots of prayers going up for your sweet son and family now!(((HUGS)))
ReplyDelete