Shrunken

Jenson is doing about the same as yesterday...a few words like mommy and daddy, a little bit of eye contact, and vomiting on and off.

The most telling thing about his current state is he doesn't even care that he is in the ICU.

I feel so helpless. There is a part of me that wants to say to the doctors "do something" but the thing they would "do" would be brain surgery so clearly I don't really want them to "do something". Right now time and close monitoring are the best things for this type of injury.

The blood is on the right side of his brain. It is too early to tell if it will create permanent brain damage. In some ways we are fortunate...the conditioning chemo from the transplant left his overall brain "shrunken" vs pre-transplant. Otherwise he would have already needed surgery to relieve the pressure.

They showed us the images of the "shrunken" brain...not something you ever want to see in your child. Can it re-generate or will he have permanent damage? No one knows and once again only time will tell.

Later today they are doing a MRI to get a closer view. I told Doug, "I really don't want to know." Of course I need to know so we can do the best thing for his care, but I just can't take anymore bad news. My prayers are once again simplified to "help" and "mercy".

Kristin