Seasons

As Jenson's counts continue to climb, we are hopeful there will finally be an end to this season.

Our hopes and dreams are different than before. They are much more simple. I hope for Jenson and Sydney they will love unconditionally all their lives the way they have loved through this experience. I hope Jenson will grow up to be a wise old man teaching the world how to persevere. I hope we all emerge from this experience with new learnings and stronger than before.

I now dream of our family sitting together at the table for a meal. I dream of Jenson walking again and chasing Sydney around the backyard. I dream of Jenson in school and riding the bus home with big sister Sydney. I dream of family holiday celebrations. I used to view these things as givens, but now I know nothing is for sure.

As time passes, the memories of fall will hopefully fade. These memories have been like recurring nightmares you can't wake up from. Memories of watching our child get sicker and sicker and feeling so helpless - watching as Jenson's eyes got buggier from tumors, of more histio rashes, of a broken wrist and an orange cast, of getting the horrible news histio was attacking his brain, and the realization we were heading into a deep dark winter.

I remember already feeling so tired, the type of tired where you don't know how you can keep going. I remember feeling shattered in a million pieces and feeling like I can't take anymore. And despite those feelings, knowing the hardest was yet to come.

Winter brought the coldest and toughest storm of our lives...rapid deterioration of Jenson's body as histio attacked, living at the hospital for months, near death experiences, and a killing off of all the cells in Jenson's body to make room for the new.

It also brought incredible support to sustain us through this season. Love and support appeared from friends, family, and people we don't even know. There is no way we could have made it this far without God and others carrying us through this season.

As spring approaches, the seeds of new life are growing and beginning to blossom. They are teaching us to breathe again and giving us the hope of some normalcy perhaps as summer comes around.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

From the death of winter springs forth new life.

Seaons of change - summer, autumn, winter, spring.

Kristin