Opposite World

Life is not fair.  This is such a hard concept for me to accept especially when my child is involved.  Why do innocent children suffer?  Why are their lives taken when there are so many criminals out there?

Sometimes it feels like opposite world...the exact opposite of how things SHOULD be.

The pain is intense.  It is heavy.  It feels like a giant weight on my chest, sometimes so heavy I have to lay down to cope.  It repeatedly stings throughout the day.  New arrows fly at my chest as I hear little kids innocently say to Sydney, "Did your brother die?". 

I am dreading the question from a stranger making small talk, "So how many kids do you have?".  Here comes the next round of arrows at the wound.

I want a different ending.  Doug keeps reminding me, "Jenson is the lucky one.  He led the way."  Again, it feels like opposite world...your child leading the way to heaven.

I am reminded this Sunday by PC (Pastor Chris) one person understands my pain.  He experienced "opposite world".  He experienced not just physical pain but deep emotional pain.  He even asked God in Matthew 26:39, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as you will."  Even Jesus prayed "may this cup be taken from me" just before he was physically and emotionally beaten and died for us.  I can certainly relate to praying the first part of that prayer "may this cup be taken".

It is the last part of the prayer which is much harder, "Yet not as I will, but as you will."  It is the ultimate test of faith and willingness to yield control.