No Rest For the Weary

Yesterday was a bad day...a very, very bad day.  You should never have to think about losing one child let alone two.

Today there is no rest for the weary.  Doug and I have an appointment to do the thing I least want to do in the whole world - look at funeral homes.

Doug is taking over the planning because I can't.  I just can't do it.  He said to me, "Babe, better to do it now than when we are paralyzed by grief when Jenson passes."  I guess he is right.

There is a funeral home a few miles from our home.  It is close, but on a path we rarely drive by in our day to day -  the perfect location.  The name of the funeral home escapes me (big shock).  My parents know a lady from their Sunday school class name "T" who has worked there for years.  She gave us the name of a salesperson to meet with named Brian.

I am beyond a bundle of nerves feeling completely nauseous and like someone sat a boulder on my chest.  Earlier this morning I thought to myself, "Remember to throw a plastic grocery sack in your purse in case you need to puke" but of course, I forgot that too.

We walk in the front door.  Surprisingly it is a very warm and inviting.  And much to my delight they have a Starbucks on the left.  Yes, a Starbucks inside the funeral home.

We are greeted by Brian who is wearing a suit and tie.  He walks us over to the Starbucks and offers us a drink.  While tempted by the opportunity for chai tea #2 of the day, I opt for water because too much caffeine combined with nerves and an empty stomach without my plastic bag is a bad combination. 

"T" comes out to meet us also.  She gives us hugs and lets us know she follows the blog and has been praying for us for sometime now.  It is nice to be with someone who already knows our story and has clearly already told Brian.

As Brian shows us around I am thinking to myself, "this isn't as bad as I thought it would be".  We go into an office and Brian asks us what we are thinking.  Burial or cremation? 

Definitely burial.  There is no way I am taking the body of my three year old sweet little boy and burning it to ashes.  Not happening.

He pulls out a very organized and professional looking folder with several different lists.  He takes us through the burial information with compassion and zero pressure.  They have "package deals" for the service - some include a video and programs and others are leaner ranging from $500-$1500.  I am thinking - maybe this won't be as crazy expensive as I have heard. 

Wrong.  Other items are "a la carte" so to say - caskets, tombstones, burial sites, and so on.  It becomes very clear why people say plan on around $10,000.

We are also faced with a question that has never entered my mind, "Do you want to buy additional plots of land for other family members?".  I guess after Sydney's scare yesterday my mind should have saw this one coming, but I didn't.  I am becoming overwhelmed. 

We start talking about types of caskets.  We are in a special room where they have some live examples.  Once I am faced with looking at the little caskets for more than five minutes I am totally spent.

Brian must have read our body language as he says, "How about I go get the car to look at burial sites?".  Good idea.  We find a spot that seems about right and has place for extra sites.

We end by checking out the chapel where they would hold the service.  It is nice too.  It looks like this funeral home will work as I am not up for "comparison shopping". 

All in all, the best possible experience on another totally wrong kind of day.

I am happy to be back at the hospital snuggling with my sweet boy while I still can.

Kristin