Peace be with you

So much for a good nights sleep. Lots of prayers going up for Jenson.

I was up before Sydney but still laying in bed. She hopped into the bed and snuggled next to me. "Hi mommy, I love you." I replied, "I love you too sweetie."

"Did you know my teacher today at school won't be there all day? She's in Oklahoma. So another teacher will be in our room. Isn't that silly? My teacher has never not been there. That's so silly!" I'm glad she's at least thinking about things other than Jenson in the hospital and how sick he is because that's really all that's consuming my mind.

We get out of bed. I pull out a shirt and jeans to wear. Sydney then says, "Mommy, I think you should wear a dress today... because Jenson loves it when you wear dresses and he's really sick." Apparently she's thinking about it more than I thought and finding ways to bring her little brother any small comfort.

Tears roll down my face as I'm again reminded of just how sick he is... then Sydney says, "Mommy, it's ok. He's going to be ok. He's going to be ok," as she comes and gives me a big hug and rubs my back in the way you rub the back of your child to comfort them when they are hurting. My compassionate little girl.

I drop Syd at school and call Doug on my way to the hospital for the update.

"How'd the night go?"

Doug replies, "Good news and bad news. The good news is he tolerated the blood transfusion well and with no complications. He also hasn't had a fever for a little bit now. The bad news is he was up vomitting lots during the night to the point he's now dry heaving. He's still hurting pretty bad."

The pink hospital bucket was in heavy rotation last night. This continues to give clues to the puzzle that this is no longer viral but his disease attacking his GI tract again. We've been down the heavy vomitting road before he initially started chemo with this crazy disease and it's miserable. The difference this time is Jenson can tell us "Tummy hurts. Mommy, Daddy, tummy hurts".

They give him antinausea and pain medicine through his port (given he keeps vomitting, he's throwing up the medicine for pain he's been getting via syringes). This pain medicine is stronger and given he can't throw it up, you can see it start to take effect as he begins gazing out into the air fixated on nothing but in a complete daze (for all you "Cars" fans out there think the Hippy VW Van character). At least this gives some temporary relief. Our doctor walks in and sees him gazing out into space at nothing and says, "I think he's seeing pink elephants right now." We all laugh. Laughter is good for the soul.

They give us the update on the CT scan and MRI timing. They were trying to work us in today and he's at the top of the list. The problem is there were storms here last night and the equipment went down and it took a while to get it back up and functional so now they don't have any time available today. They are also having issues with the equipment in the downtown location, so can't take us there either. Our doctor later lets us know we have a slot tomorrow and one on Wednesday and that she was unable to get them together because they don't have a long enough time slot. We pray for a surprise cancellation tomorrow so he won't have to be put under twice.

Jenson dry heaves on and off in between the events of the morning.

My best friend brings us lunch and hugs. I make myself eat some of it, but nothing tastes good right now (except Starbucks... it's becoming a daily habit lately). Doug eats his lunch... given he's been eating a lot of hospital hamburgers lately, the Chick-Fil-A sandwich is a welcome change.

The Children's pastor from our church comes and visits and prays for us. Prayers mean a lot to us right now, so we're thankful for this time.

Doug and I are talking about how "chemo is our friend, and we want it back for him as soon as possible". Sounds strange, but it really is our friend in the form of a strong medicine that can help him. If you'd told me a couple years ago I'd be referring to "chemo as my friend" I would have told you that you were delusional.

Doug takes a much needed break.

As the afternoon continues and the pain medicine wears off, Jenson's moaning more and more and uncomfortable like he was yesterday afternoon. He then sits up and coughs which is my cue to use lighting fast reflexes to grab the pink hospital bucket before he's covered in vomit. This time it's green which the nurse explains is quite common when they have nothing in their stomach. Math equation for the day... Bile = Green Yuck.

He's due another dose of the pain medicine and at this stage I'm so happy for him to get it because it at least doesn't make the pain unbearable for him.

They will shortly be giving him TPN - liquid nutrition given he can't keep anything down.

My scripture reading for the day is "Peace be with you" John 20:19.

Somehow peace is with us. I guess you can have peace in the same space as the most extreme pain and sadness I've ever experienced. Who knew.

Still praying for healing and mercy and an extra time slot for tomorrow and hoping our prayers will be answered.

Kristin