It's A Process

I want this grieving process to be over.  Can't I just schedule a day and grieve for nine hours straight and be done with it?  Apparently not as I learned the hard way last week.  Grieving has it's own timetable.

I finally tackled a major project on Sunday - cleaning out the back office area which was totally out of control.  It is my place where I "file" (used very loosely as "pile" is more accurate) things that range from important cards, Sydney's artwork, receipts, books, etc.  Twice a year I take on the task of making order out of chaos.

One of the things I found back there was a card Sydney made for Jenson when he came home from the hospital post transplant.  It is a tri-fold pink, purple, and green card with a huge cut-out heart on each page.  Sydney wrote, "Love Sydney   Hi Jenson (backward J)  I am glad you are home and I am glab you ard not sick".  She drew a picture of the two of them together with smiles on their faces.

I remember those couple weeks when he was home.  He needed so much help and would sometimes get frustrated that he couldn't walk.  He had to take 34 syringes of medicine a day and with the really gross ones would declare, "Yuck.  I DIDN'T LIKE THAT!".  

But he also kept his sweet spirit about him.  It was during that time we started a new tradition as a family.  After we would bless our meal, we would each say one thing we were thankful for.  The first night as we went around the table, Doug, Sydney, and I were all thankful Jenson was home.  When we came to Jenson he said, "I thankful for mommy."

Each night we would bless our meal and say one thing we were thankful for.  Doug, Sydney, and I would change the thing we were thankful for each night, but not Jenson.  Each night when it was his turn he would look me directly in the eye and say, "I thankful for mommy," as he leaned over for a hug while ignoring Sydney's roll of the eyes and "He ALWAYS says that" comment.  :-)

It is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

Kristin