Getting Away

We had the opportunity to get away last week - away from the day to day, away to our favorite family vacation spot.  Palm Desert!  Something about the desert brings healing...at least on some level.

We have been vacationing in Palm Desert with my parents for several years now.  They graciously invite us as their guests at their time share.  Vacations always mean making memories, some old and some new.

This trip is just Doug, Sydney, and me.  It is a trip we need to take as a family.

We all breathe a sigh of relief as we pulled up to the time share unit with the surroundings that are now familiar - the desert terrain, the palm trees, the mountain backdrop, and a very comfortable living space with a full kitchen and large master bedroom.  We all feel some peace in the face of our massive life change.
 
Sydney LOVES the pool and would stay at the pool from 8am-8pm if we let her.  We settle on 10am-5pm with a break for lunch and a snack.  It feels strangely unusual to be in the sun.  It has been a long time.

I spy a familiar sight... the orange water cooler.  It brings back memories of last year when Jenson discovered the water cooler by the pool.  He was obsessed with water (not getting in it, but getting H2O for everyone).  He would say, "Mommy need water?  Daddy need water? Sydney need water?  Grandma and Grandpa need water?".  Each of us would say yes and watch his face fill with delight.  He would fill up a glass and carefully bring it to each person trying his best not to spill.  I would take a couple sips of my water while he was filling Grandpa's cup and Jenson would excitedly say, "Mommy need more water?!" and run to the water cooler to fill my cup up again.  A sweet boy finding joy in the simple things in life.  In between water cooler visits, we would whip out the hand sanitizer and cover his hands to prevent viruses.

Luckily, there isn't much time for fixating on this memory with Sydney around.  There also isn't time for sunbathing by the pool.  Sydney is full of energy and lots of ideas for pool games.  She is non-stop (unless eating her favorite "dippin' dots" poolside). 

She eyes the 30 foot water slide in the distance and wants to walk over.  The sign says you must be over 4ft to ride.  She stands next to the sign to see if she passes this hurdle and is just tall enough (by a couple inches).  She can ride the slide - if she dares. 

She bravely climbs the stairs with me.  When we get to the top, an Asian dad about 230 lbs in his forties (who is obviously scared of heights) is deciding whether or not he is going to brave it.  He tells us to go ahead.  I say to Sydney, "I will be waiting for you at the bottom," and slide down the many twists and turns before plunging into the water pool. 

Next thing I know I see a flash of hot pink around one of the curves - Sydney and her hot pink bathing suit with the ruffle are on their way down.  She rounds the last curve with her pink goggles on and plunges under the water.  I help her out and she says, "Again!".

Her courage inspired the Asian dad to face his fears and brave the slide.  He crys out "Whoa!!!" around each corner.  Everyone at the pool bursts into laughter, and he emerges from the pool at the bottom laughing himself.  Fun times!

Later in the week we meet a nice family from Chicago.  We enter into small talk (something I have been avoiding with strangers) and then I get the question I have been dreading - "Is she your only child?".  I knew I was going to have to face this question at some time, I was just wishfully hoping no one would ever ask me it again.

"No, we lost our 3 year old boy a month ago," I reply.  Awkward.  She kindly replies, "I am so sorry.  I had no idea." 

It is an awkward part of casual conversation that will be with us for the rest of our lives.  I try to change the topic but there is no escaping the bomb I just dropped.  I share with Doug what happened and tell him how awkward it makes me feel.  He replies, "Don't feel that way.  It is the truth."  Good advice but I am not sure how to implement it.

We enjoy s'mores in our remaining evenings and grilling out.  Our time in Palm Desert comes to an end too soon, but it is a break we all needed.

On the 3 day car ride back, my mind is filled with happy memories of Jenson, flashbacks of different crisis' the last 6 months have held, and releases of tears.  This is going to be a long process.

Kristin