Bad day...
I was reading through old blog entries. I got as far as when Jenson's colon was accidentally nicked during the "routine" colonoscopy in March 2011. That lead to surgery, and 3 hospital acquired infections (c-diff, staph, and enterovirus) AND a 6 week delay in chemo.
I remember going into the colonoscopy procedure hopeful Jenson's GI tract would be healed and histio free. Instead we got a freak accident. That event was really the turning point - the point at which histio would forever rage out of control and eat away at our little boy like a savage wolf.
It's not fair and it's not right that he had to suffer so much. Just when I think I have moved past the "why" question into "what now" I am pulled back to "why" with events that are beyond comprehension. They belong in the "it doesn't make sense file" that I need to create in my brain.
But my brain wants a logical explanation...one that will never come.
So I keep trying to remind myself between tears how Jenson lived while in the midst of pain. He somehow found joy while in excrutiating pain.
I must do the same. I just wish I knew how.
Time to Remember
12 years ago
Love you
ReplyDeleteMeredith
Praying for you
ReplyDeleteCindy Terrel
Hang in there Kristin. Thinking of you and your family.
ReplyDeleteKristin, I am a friend of a fellow church member and a mom. Your story and Jenson's fight has changed my life forever. I plan on donating bone marrow in his honor as soon as my youngest is a bit older. I know that words cannot heal your pain but on this sad day just know how many people your family touched. Your honesty about your journey is so touching and I picture Jenson up in heaven running around with a big smile on his face:)
ReplyDeleteThinking of you ... know that you are in our prayers every day
ReplyDeletePatrese
You should write a book. I love how you write, despite the sadness, your words and the way you express yourself are inpirational. Hugs for you!
ReplyDeleteAngela
Dear Kristin,
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches for you. Your post made me think back to when Cole was 2 weeks old and came down with a pseudamonis infection from bacteria in the hospital- it was terrifying. Things turned out ok but they could've easily gone in the other direction. One thing I thought about was if it would make things easier for you if Jenson's infections weren't in vain- have you asked his doctors how this accident happened? How it could be avoided in future cases with other patients? It might not be the right timing to ask this question, you might want to give yourself more time to heal. It sounds like looking ahead and moving on is best right now for you but I'm sure is so hard... Hopefully things will start making sense. Everything happens in God's timing.
Best wishes,
Holly
Keeping your family in prayer. Another friend of my is grieving also. She said she doesn't want to stop missing her loved one, but hopes that it will hurt less in time. That is my prayer for your family too. And that somehow God will give you peace. Charlotte
ReplyDeleteJust want to say thanks for all the comments and encouraging words... they help more than you will ever realize.
ReplyDelete