Something To Ponder

I’ve been in California for work Mon-Wed. Many people know our situation and what we’re dealing with regarding Jenson’s health, so I frequently got the question on this trip “How do you show up at work with a smile on your face and still perform despite everything going on?”

The reasons are quite simple:
#1 Health insurance is vital right now.
#2 I fundamentally believe in showing up each day and “giving my best”.
#3 If Jenson can find joy in each and every day regardless of his circumstances, how can I not do the same?

In reality, Doug has had the much harder job this week. He’s been doing the daily trips to the hospital for the chemo treatments. He’s been the one there as Jenson’s leg pain has come back again with a vengeance. He’s been the one giving pain medicine at all hours of the day and night to try to bring as much comfort as possible to Jenson. He’s been the one there as Jenson’s crying in the middle of the night wakes Sydney up too.

The leg pain has gotten so intense that Jenson can barely walk anymore. “Barely mobile” Doug says… the words cut straight to the heart.

They surface a key question I’m pondering on the plane ride home:
Where is the line between treating his disease and robbing him of his ability to walk?

I really have no idea…utterly clueless. God’s wisdom has yet to shine any light on this new question. The tears roll as I process this new place we’ve arrived at. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t deeply bothered that we’ve arrived at a place where we even have to process a question like this. He’s only 2 ½. How do you explain to a 2 ½ year old why he can’t walk? Is this the right treatment? Are we making the right decisions? Are we inflicting unnecessary pain on him? Are we robbing him of joy?

No parent should have to process questions like this, yet I’m comforted by knowing we’re not the first parents wrestling with these types of questions. Others have struggled with these questions and the emotions they surface and made it through to the other end. God will give us the daily strength.

He will also give us the wisdom in this unchartered territory. But this is where my impatience surfaces as I want the answers NOW. Now, before we make other decisions that will inflict additional pain on our child. I know patience is a virtue, but I don’t want that virtue right now. I just want answers and wisdom for our little boy.

Wisdom please.