Life Preserver

The past four years have tested my faith in so many ways.  I have never been so angry at God.  My conversation with God would go something like this, "I've cried out to you for help, and you still allowed my boy to die.  How could you?"

I have never felt so abandoned.

In one of those moments of crying out to God in the midst of my brokenness, I began to see things from a different perspective.  While God didn't answer my prayer for healing the way I wanted, He did answer my prayer that my boy would be healed and whole.  He answered it with the death of His son providing a way for us to heaven. 

He too knows the pain of watching your child suffer.  He understands what I'm feeling.  He has been right beside me this whole journey waiting patiently for me to reach out to Him.  To stop fighting and trying to get through things on my own. 

The words below flowed out of me that day as God showed me a different perspective.  He is right beside me.  He always has been.  He is the ultimate life preserver.

My Life Preserver

 

I am swimming in the ocean of life.  The water is calm.  I am strong.  My life preserver floats next to me.

 The wind and rain come.  The water gets rough.  The waves get bigger.  I swim harder.  My life preserver floats next to me.

The wind and rain continue.  I start to fatigue.  All I can do now is tread water.  I am bobbing up and down like a buoy.  I can feel the current trying to pull me under.  My life preserver floats next to me.

 

A hurricane blows in.  The rain pours down, the wind howls, and the thick fog rolls in.  I can’t see.  Exhaustion sets in.  I am too tired to swim anymore.  I am drowning and sinking into the deep abyss of the ocean.  I finally reach for my life preserver, but don’t have the strength to grab onto it. 

 

I awake floating on top of the ocean.  I am alive.  I am somehow floating on my life preserver.  My life preserver saved me.  It gives me rest.  It slowly renews my energy.  It breathes life back into my soul.

 

Then God shares the truth with me.  My dear child, I have been right next to you through the calm and storms of life.  When you reached for me, I saved you.  I am the ultimate life preserver.  Cling to me always.  Trust me.  Rely on me.

 

So I hold onto my life preserver and don’t let go.  It makes each day easier.  It gives me strength in the calm and the storms of life.  My life preserver gives life for eternity.