Circuit Overload

I remember it vividly.  The day the circuit breaker blew.

Jenson was in the hospital and terminal.  Sydney was being admitted with a head injury and couldn't speak.  This can't be happening.  I can't lose both my kids. 

A switch flipped in my brain, and all logic was gone.

Jenson passed a few days later.  I couldn't function, couldn't think.  I could barely get out of bed.  No ounce of logic remained, only overwhelming emotion.  Emotion and a pain so deep it left me crippled. 

My brain acted like any good circuit breaker.  As it suffered a massive power surge of emotion, the logic switch flipped.  And there was no way to turn it back on.  I had lost my mind. 

Several months passed in this emotion-filled, logic-less state.  The fear crept in... this might be permanent. 

I remember sipping on a chai tea latte at Starbucks with a dear friend.  I shared my fear.  "I feel so lost.  I have lost my mind.  I don't even know who I am."  I closed my eyes and began crying. 

She looked me straight in my tear filled eyes and said something I'll never forget.  "Kristin, we don't love you for your mind.  We love you for your heart." 

Your mind is not what defines you.  It's your heart.

As time has passed and I've faced the roaring grizzly bear of grief, the logic switch has come back on.  But I never want to forget the life lesson from that day - we love you for your heart.